A Steady Memory
by AfaithfulJourney
Summary: Isabella Swan had a notion of what her life was to be. In pursuit of happiness and joy, a tragic price was paid. Forced to return to her childhood home of Forks, Washington Isabella is compelled to keep her past form interfering with her future. All human.
1. Prologue

Disclaimer: Twilight nor its affiliates are of my own creation. The characters of this work belong entirely to Stephanie Meyer.

Summary: Isabella Swan had a notion of what her life was to be. In pursuit of happiness and joy, a tragic price was paid. Forced to return to her childhood home of Forks, Washington Isabella is compelled to keep her past from interfering from her future. All human.

Author's Note: Rated M for graphic content.

 **Prologue**

 **Isabella's POV**

In the wee hours of the morning, my eyes drifted to the sleeping newborn in my arms. Though wrought by pain – she had been all the worth it.

A small cap adorned her head and a blanket had been carefully draped, consuming her small frame. Though only hours old, this child held my heart. She was my world. Softly, I placed a tender kiss upon her temple – careful not to wake her from her slumber. Her journey had been just as tiresome as my own.

At the sound of a distant knock, my head tilted upward. My eyes followed the innocent intruder. Standing in my doorway stood my father – Charlie Swan, Chief of Police. A smile filled my eyes as I saw what he held in his arms: a bouquet of flowers. While just a simpleton, I knew that I would have not made it this far without his unyielding love and support. "Dad." I breathed.

Slowly, he moved forward. There was a certain hesitation about him. No doubt centering around the small human that was now enveloped in her my arms. "It's okay." I assured.

Reaching my side, I could see the remnants of tears in his eyes. "She's beautiful Bells." He spoke. At age thirty-six, Charlie Swan was a grandfather.

"Do you want to hold her?" I asked as he looked timidly to me.

Setting the flowers upon the foot of my bed, he situated himself at my side. Carefully, he reached out and cradled her in his arms. I felt my own tears flooding. Tears of joy and of pure terror. "She has your eyes." I heard him whisper as I quickly tried to remove the evidence of my tears. Charlie should not have to see this – he had already carried the burden of my past.

The same burden that had conceived my beautiful daughter.

He held the knowledge of my rape.

My name is Isabella Marie Swan, and this is my story.


	2. Chapter One: A Heated Tragedy

Disclaimer: Twilight nor its affiliates are of my own creation. The characters of this work belong entirely to Stephanie Meyer.

Summary: Isabella Swan had a notion of what her life was to be. In pursuit of happiness and joy, a tragic price was paid. Forced to return to her childhood home of Forks, Washington Isabella is compelled to keep her past from interfering from her future. All human.

Author's Note: This is a word of caution to all. This chapter contains highly sensitive material pertaining to but, not limited to, sexual assault. Rated M for graphic content.

 **Chapter One: A Heated Tragedy**

Phoenix, Arizona. Saturday, January 22nd - It was a seemingly ordinary day.

At dusk, the temperature was seventy-six degrees Fahrenheit according to the display affront the SunTrust bank on the corner of Fairview and Arizona Avenue. For miles, I could see what appeared to be a dense image across the steaming pavement. There was a bustle of activity on the streets. Individuals were hastening about – others were enjoying the brisk evening. As it was, I was among them. Having spent a portion of my evening at Changing Hand Bookstore, I was in no hurry to be home.

Renee and Phil had flown to Jacksonville, Florida the previous day. It seemed that each weekend that Phil was not in training, he and Renee were in another part of the country at a minor league baseball event.

Renee Dwyer was my crazy, erratic, harebrained mother. At thirty-five, her life had been filled with happiness, chaos, and pure joy. It was in the small town of Forks, Washington that my mother fell in love with my father, Charlie Swan. They had been high school sweethearts. Married for only two years, they had me and soon divorced. My mother at just nineteen could not be, as she said, tied down in that Godforsaken town her entire life.

I had since spent three to four months a year in Forks with my father Charlie and remained with my mother the remainder of the time. However, it was when I started High School that we learned the arrangement was not quite ideal. Thus, the only contact I had with my father was from the weekly phone calls and two-week vacation in California each summer. Contact was limited – at my choice.

It was during this same time that we came to settle in Phoenix, Arizona. It was, in my opinion, the most favorable place that we had lived. Within only two months, Renee met Phil Dwyer, a minor league baseball player and fanatic. At twenty-nine, he was considerably younger than Renee. Though skeptical of the companionship, I found that it changed her. He was good for her, I had finally decided. In time, I came to accept him. They had married just three months ago – at the end of August. It had been a simple ceremony. It was not the grand event that Renee had hoped for. She settled.

A smile filled my face at the memory. They had initially planned to go to Mexico to be married but as I had just started my senior year, it was out of the question. Renee had not been upset, but I could see the disappointment.

That was why I had chosen not to attend the weekend ventures with Phil or Renee. They did not need a capable seventeen-year-old with them at every moment. They deserved some time for themselves. That, and I was not too fond of baseball. I tended to support Phil from a distance. It was usually safer for everyone involved. Later my mother would call with the weekend report – little did I know that this tryout would differ from the rest. Unlike Phil's other attempts, he would gain a position with the Jacksonville Suns.

Trying to direct my thoughts, I turned my attention back to my surroundings. I was only a few blocks from home at this point. At just five in the evening, the sun had begun to set. I had only a few minutes before dusk would consume the sunlight. Still, I neglected to rush.

Looking to my left, I saw the familiar abandoned factory. Throughout the years it had been used for a variety of things. Now, it was left in near ruins. It had been one of my favorite places to explore. It's decaying appearance spoke to its beauty. Casually, I ran my hand along the brick exposure. It was soothing. Closing my eyes, I continued forward attempting to imagine what it would have been like in its 'hay' day. Would it have been filled to the brim with metal workers? Or infiltrated by the hosiery mill? In doing so, I had failed to notice that someone had been watching me.

I failed to notice in my distracted gaze, that someone had been following me for several blocks.

Opening my eyes, I noticed that the street lights had sprung to life. I had been right to anticipate the darkness. Though, it did not bother me. Still, I continued forward. Only three blocks left. Then, I was home free.

As I rounded the corner avenue, I felt a chill pass through my skin. Leaning just where I previously stood were two hooded figures. Halting in my movements, I attempted to find an alternate route. In doing so, I felt my chest hit that of another. "Where are you going sweetheart?" a snarl came. The voice was low, threatening. His hands had reached around me. Inevitably, he pulled my closer to him. Attempting to scream, a hand flew to my mouth and a knife to my side. There was two of them. Of that I was certain.

"Shhh." He sneered. "We don't want anyone hearing all our fun."

My heart was racing. I could feel its throbbing ministrations in my ear. I tried to scream but, it was too no avail. Nothing would come out. No. No. A sharp piercing pain moved along my side. Pain. Intense pain. Moving only made it worse as the knife pierced deeper into my skin.

If their grip had not been tight already, it only worsened when they pulled me into the building. I tried not to struggle in fear that I would find another knife at my side. Tears flowed freely from my eyes as I was dragged to a corner of the room. I was blinded by the darkness and the moisture in my eyes. I could not see them, nor my surroundings. My worst fear had been yet to be realized as I was thrown haphazardness upon the floor. That was when I made the mistake to try and run.

They, whoever they were, grabbed me. I didn't realize they were binding my arms together until it was too late. After a scream finally fell from my lips, my mouth was next. I could taste the duck-tape as it was pressed to my lips. There was nothing I could do.

The worst was yet to come.

I could feel his hands traveling the length of my body stopping only briefly. "Mmm… so smooth." The voice uttered. It was the same as before. Only lower in tone. But as his touch continued, I could feel my fear growing. No. I kept whispering to myself. There was no one to hear my silent cries.

I could feel my socks and shoes being pulled from my feet. A chill ran through my body as I felt their rough hand caressing my naked thigh. It pushed upward to the hem of my shorts. "You like that, don't you." Another voice whispered huskily.

I tried to squirm from their touch but the knife that had previously caused harm to my now aching side was pressed against my cheek. My breathing was uneven. I could feel the world spinning around me. No. I continued to cry to myself. Why couldn't anyone hear me?

The next to go were my khaki shorts. I cried at the realization of what was about to happen. As he pulled them off of me, another pair of hands lingered near my chest grasping my breasts in their hands. "So hard." The voice uttered as the hands slipped beneath my shirt, underneath the rim of my bra and pressed my taught nipples with their thumbs. My body was betraying me. Again, I made the mistake of trying to push away. I found a burn greet my left cheek. I could feel the blood oozing from its source.

"Don't make me hurt you, dearie. We just want to have a little fun." One snickered.

My shirt and bra were the next to go. Though unlike my shorts, they cut them from my body leaving me nearly completely exposed. I was embarrassed. Horrified. And scared for my life.

I had read about rape cases my entire life – Charlie spent most of his time educating me to be safe. His primary concern was that I be aware of my surroundings so that I might prevent an incident such as this. At the time I found it irrelevant. It was just Charlie and over reactive police chief nature. I begged to turn home - to forget that this little encounter had ever occurred. I wanted my mom. My dad.

Now, I wasn't even sure that I would ever see them, or Phil, again.

Consumed by my fear, I felt the brush of skin as a finger snaked to my core. I was completely naked for the entire world. There was nothing that I could do.

I couldn't run.

I couldn't scream.

I couldn't move.

First it was a few fingers moving deep inside me. My eyes grew at the discomfort. I had never had any type of sexual encounters – nor any type of self-pleasing adventures. The feeling was foreign and unprecedented. The fingers continued their menstruation's as I felt another pair of hands press to my chest. Next came the swirl of a tongue passing along my valley. My breathing hitched as I heard a pair of laughter.

"Hmm… I think she likes this." One laughed.

"Let's show her the big guns. She'll really enjoy that." I heard before I felt something long and hard press into my thigh. I was jolted by it.

"You like that? You want that?" the voice whispered. "I'll give you every inch of it princess." He continued.

Without warning, I felt him press into me. I whimpered. 'Please.' I tried to scream. Nothing but a slight hiss was heard because of the duck-tape. Sheer pain filled me. In our tales of the Birds and the Bees, Renee avidly informed me that my first engagement in sexual activity, would be painful. Her lecture had not prepared me for this. Slowly, I could feel him retreat.

I was hopeful.

Again, a voice filled my mind and my ears. "So tight."

This time he pushed deeper inside me. The burning sensation was greater than anything I had ever imagined. I flexed my legs in agony. Rather than release me, he continued to move inside me. I could feel something…. blood perhaps? I had read that was a usual occurrence when the hymen was severed. I couldn't bear to look. I was still trying to search for their faces in the dark. I was getting nowhere. As one continued to move inside her, she could the heat of another body. It was the same one that had been… on her chest. But it was not a hand that I could feel running circles around my nipples.

"Come on, I want a go. You're hogging all the fun." A voice spoke.

Another yelled a response that was barely audible. "Mmm… I'm gonna…"

With the passing voice, I could feel a hot liquid fill me. This had been different than before. It was like it had been pulsating through me - as if it had came from… him. Seconds later I felt him remove himself from my body.

"Ugh." A voice cried. "A virgin. Looks like we'll have to clean up after this one."

For a moment, I could feel myself slipping out of consciousness. I didn't know exactly when it happened but, I could feel the word disappearing from my eyes. A fog clouded my vision and the last thing that I remembered was praying for my soul – forgiveness from my mother. From Charlie. And praying that if death were easier than this – than living – that it find me.

Death, take me.

Then everything went black.


	3. Chapter Two: Timely Discovery

Disclaimer: Twilight nor its affiliates are of my own creation. The characters of this work belong entirely to Stephanie Meyer.

Summary: Isabella Swan had a notion of what her life was to be. In pursuit of happiness and joy, a tragic price was paid. Forced to return to her childhood home of Forks, Washington Isabella is compelled to keep her past form interfering from her future. All human.

Author's Note: Rated M for graphic content.

 **Chapter Two: Timely Discovery**

Cold.

It was the only sensation that I could recognize. In the moments that followed, I considered the variable options: Death was the only plausible explanation. Yes, I had to be dead. I thought sincerely. There was not an alternative.

Yet, there was a moment that I recognized something I had neglected to realize. I was still me. My thoughts were still my own. Surely tragedy did not linger in death, did it? I contemplated my theory. It was only then that I realized something was happening to me. It was as if my body had been numbed but was beginning to wake – similar to the annoyance of having your foot fall asleep from staying in a single position for too long. Yes, it was much like that.

Did that mean that I had survived?

Inhaling sharply, I felt it. Pain.

Life had not been as so kind to allow me to part from this world. No, it had destroyed me and inevitability, allowed me to live. But death had seemed so much more tempting – so much more peaceful. Could I not have entertained the idea any longer? The suspense of knowing I had survived – if it could indeed be called that – triggered something worse than pain.

Fear.

Where was I? Were those bastards still here? What about Renee and Phil? Oh god. I thought.

Doing the only thing I was able to manage, I attempted to open her eyes. If the feeling was returning to my body, then so should my basic human functions, correct?

Gradually, I was able to open her eyes. A piercing white light greeted her. God. What if she was dead after all? White light. Cold. It was adding up – all but the pain stemming from various sources of my body. Was I half dead? Stuck between the worlds – in Limbo?

Again, I attempted to open her eyes. This time, I managed to keep them open for a few seconds. It took several attempts for eyes to adjust. When I was able to see clearly, I recognized something familiar about the 'white light' I had first seen. It was emanating from a direct source. It was florescent lights. There was only source that I knew had these lights. I had familiarized myself with them long ago – from my first visit.

I was in the hospital.

"Nurse! Nurse!" I heard a woman cry to my left. Why did that voice sound so familiar? I asked myself as I tried to tilt my head to see the source of the commotion. Tears brimmed my eyes. It was Renee.

I hadn't realized that I had started sobbing until I felt the weight of another join my side. At first, I flinched from the comfort. That was, until I heard the soothing voice of my mother speaking to me. Holding on to me for dear life. "M..om…" I sobbed as I clung to her as if life depended on it. I thought that I never would see her again. The memories flooded my mind. The voices filled every crevice. It took everything I had to listen to the one that I loved – my crazy, erratic, harebrained mother.

"Oh Bella!" she cried. I could feel my tears soaking in the clothing of her shirt. Just as I could feel her cries equaling my own. "My baby." She whispered.

It was then that I knew that she knew.

She knew that I had been raped.

She knew what these monsters had done. And I was also sure that we had an equal understand – neither was to let go. I needed her. I needed to know that she would never leave me. I needed to know that I was safe. "Mom." I cried. I could feel my heart racing – the monitor to my right was going off wildly as it did so.

It was then that another voice interrupted. It was unfamiliar. As I tried to calm myself, I could see the bottom of his scrubs from where I lay pressed against my mother's. "Isabella?" It asked. I neglected to look to the source quite yet. No, I didn't want anyone else besides my mother. And maybe Phil. I just wanted to go home and forget this ever happened.

"Isabella, I am Dr. John Mavrick. You are in Phoenix University Hospital" He said. He stepped closer. This time I was forced to look up. He was an older gentleman. Most likely in his early fifties if not his sixties. A grey beard adorned his bright face. Looking back to Renee

I realized that she must be familiar with him. She did not seem at all surprised by his appearance. "I was your doctor when you were brought in." he stated.

I nodded unaware how I came to arrive in a hospital when the last memories I had were in an abandoned factory on the outside of the city. Had I been brought here? Did I walk here?

Lifting my head, I lifted my hand to wipe my tears and found that an IV had been placed in the back of my hand making it difficult to move. That, and in doing so, at one point a bandage had been placed on my cheek. The knife. I thought bitterly to myself. "Bella." My voice cracked when I tried to speak. My lips were dry and raw. Had this been from the duck-tape?

"Bella." He corrected. "If it's okay, I need to do a few test now that your awake?" he was asking permission. Rather than respond, I simply nodded.

"I am just going to check on your lacerations first. When you were asleep, you were given several stitches. Thirteen in your right side, and four to your face." He observed. I could feel Renee shifting beside me. Rather than move entirely, she grasped my free hand from her own. Slowly, I pulled myself into a sitting position. It was rather uncomfortable but, it was necessary. Looking down, I observed for the first time that I had been covered with several blankets and a hospital gown. Reaching out, Dr. Mavrick removed the dressing on my cheek. When he pressed, I flinched in response. Not at the pain but, at the touch.

"Sorry." I whispered.

"Don't be." Was his only response. He held an apologetic gaze as he placed a fresh dressing to the area. Next was my side. I didn't know how bad it was – the night IT happened I had been less concerned with the wound than the knife that continued to threaten me. Renee helped me move the gown so that I was still partially covered. I was horrified by the sight.

My entire abdomen was bruised. Had I not been looking, I may not have noticed that it continued much lower. A sob ripped through my throat as I had to turn away from the sight – away from the memory. I could feel Renee pull closer to me. I wasn't sure that I would ever be able to let her go. I waited for the Doctor to lift his hands from my side. Once the covers had been arranged, I turned my eyes meeting his own. Pity. It consumed him.

"Everything looks to be healing well in those areas." He responded. There was something about the was that he said 'those areas' that caught my attention. They all knew. Of course they knew. I thought bitterly. They were medical professionals. Whatever the case may be, I was unprepared for the next portion of the examination. "Bella." He said softly. "This is going to be quite difficult." He began. I could see where he was going with this and I didn't like it one bit. "When you were attacked…" I stopped him.

"Raped." I cried. I could Renee sharply inhale at the mention of the word. I couldn't ignore what it was. It wasn't an attack. It was a vicious rape not a blatant attack.

The Dr. Maverick nodded. "When you were raped, you required several stitches to repair the damage. I know it will be difficult, but I need to make sure that the stitches are holding. Would you be more comfortable if I brought in a female doctor?" he asked. He was concerned. I was grateful.

"No." I whispered hoarsely. "Just get it over with." I commented.

"Mrs. Dwyer, do you mind?" he asked. I could feel her leave my side. Her hand never parted from mine. Slowly he pulled my cover up to my knees. "Now, I just need you to pull your knees up." He directed. "And then part them slightly."

I looked to the ceiling during the process. I could sense his touch. I was completely numb. Perhaps it was the greatest blessing – feeling too much to possibly feel anything. At last, I finally felt the covers fold over my feet. I immediately relaxed. "It will take a few weeks but the stitches will be dissolved by the skin. It may be uncomfortable at first." He stated as he removed his gloves and threw them in the nearest disposal.

"Bella, in just a moment a police officer will be arriving to speak with you." Dr. Maverick commented, his eyes darting between Renee and myself. "During initial rape kit, physical evidence was taken. Primarily fibers and photographs. The officer will need to ask very specific questions in order to find the individual behind this. As you are still seventeen, Mrs. Dwyer, you are asked to be present unless Bella wishes otherwise."

I hadn't even had time to process the information when the sound of rapping greeted them. My eyes found a young woman, not much older than myself, standing in the doorway. Dressed in full dress uniform, she pulled her cap from her head. "Isabella Swan?" she asked. I nodded.

"I am Officer Cagle from the Phoenix Police Department, Special Victims Unit." She addressed. "May I come in?" she asked.

Did I have the option? More importantly, could I confess to God and all its witness what had occurred that night? Swallowing, I looked to my mother. "Don't leave me." I whispered. God how I wanted to spare her from the details but, I wasn't sure whether I could do this without her. I wasn't willing to find out.

"Never." Renee Dwyer responded taking a seat beside my bed.

I watched as the officer pulled from her Brest pocket a note pad and a tape recorder. Placing them on the table before her, I could feel her gaze burning into me. "I'm going to start out by asking a few questions. If at any point you can't continue, we can take a break for however long as you might need. My job is to find the person that did this to you and make sure they can't do it to anyone ever again. Okay?"

Closing my eyes, I waited. I waited for the interrogation to begin.

I waited for the world to stop.


	4. Chapter Three: Return to Forks

Disclaimer: Twilight nor its affiliates are of my own creation. The characters of this work belong entirely to Stephanie Meyer.

Summary: Isabella Swan had a notion of what her life was to be. In pursuit of happiness and joy, a tragic price was paid. Forced to return to her childhood home of Forks, Washington Isabella is compelled to keep her past form interfering from her future. All human.

Author's Note: Rated M for graphic content.

 **Chapter Three: Return to Forks, Washington**

February 4th - Phoenix, Arizona

CNN: "On January 22nd a seventeen-year-old student at Phoenix Public High School was brutally assaulted and raped on her way home. The Phoenix Police Department is seeking information from the public to identify the two assailants. For information pertaining to the individuals below please contact the P.P.D."

As I would come to learn from Officer Cagle, two maintenance workers happened to find me the morning after my attack. One of the gentleman, a pastor at a local church had draped his shirt over my body until emergency services could arrive. For forty-eight hours I lay unresponsive in Phoenix University Hospital. When Renee and Phil returned Sunday morning, the began the immediate search. On Monday, I was declared missing. Only three hours into the search did a local nurse report having treated 'a young Jane Doe.'

Dr. Maverick accounted the events to Renee and Phil in utter horror. Though they did not know the specific details – the facts were enough. Their daughter, and step-daughter, had been raped.

It had been two days since my release from the hospital. With statements taken, physical evidence identified and collected, and only a slight description to go on – I was released. Officer Cagle said she would be in touch – I only prayed not. Why? Because I wanted to forget the entire ordeal. It was enough that Rene knew the ever detail but – the shame and pity that I saw looking back made me want to be a recluse for the remainder of my sad and pathetic life.

Phil had thankful given me my space – having only offered to 'kill the bastards.' I knew that he would support me and for me, that was enough. It had the greatest effect on my mother. I could see the fear in Rene's eyes. I could see the sorrow. I could see the blame.

Renee called Charlie hours after they had located me. Had it not been his job on the line, he would have flown out himself. After briefly talking to him, he decided to remain in Forks, Washington. She had a sneaking suspicion that he was being daily updated courtesy of Officer Cagle whom it seemed he was now on a first name basis with. It seemed that he was trying to search for the 'perps' as well.

It was during this time that I made what I thought could be either the best or worse decision of my life. Rather than stay in Phoenix and face the city that had destroyed me, I opted for another opportunity. Rather than be consumed by the steady memory, I decided to put it behind me.

I was moving back to Forks, Washington.

I was going home.

* * *

Two weeks after the decision had been made, I boarded the plane to Seattle, Washington.

Saying goodbye to Phil and Renee had been much harder than I anticipated but, I knew it was best. Now Renee could follow Phil across the country to Jacksonville and live the newlywed wife without the burden of her seventeen-year-old daughter standing in the way. In doing so, I could spend time with Charlie and in return, I could move past the horrors of my past and build a new future. I could build a new life.

Much to my relief, my scars were beginning to heal. My It would take some time but, I knew that my emotional scars would heal just as my physical scars had begun to. For me, Forks would be the foundation of my future. I was determined not to see my past destroy that as well.

Looking to my left I pulled myself from my seat and pulled my carry-on bag onto my shoulder. My additional things had been packed away into Cargo. Pulling our resources, mom and I had managed to assemble a half worthy wardrobe warm enough to withstand the constant chill and rain of Forks – or so I hoped.

Walking through the flow of individuals, I identified luggage and found that Chief Charlie Swan had already gathered my things and was waiting only for me. Thank goodness he had worn his street clothes. I though dismissively. "Dad." I greeted gently as he pulled me into a warm embrace. I flinched at the touch. I had been unprepared for the embrace. "I'm sorry." I whispered hastily. It had not been his fault.

"I love you, Bells." He stated.

Charlie Swan had never been much of a romantic. He was a quite soul – easily pleased – and happy go lucky most of the time. He had been raised in the town of Forks, Washington. At twenty-three he became the youngest Chief of Police the city had ever had. It was the only thing that he loved more than fishing, baseball, and beer. The job.

Taking her things, they headed through the airport and to the cruiser that was parked a short distance from the terminal. I looked at him questioningly. Why had he not brought his old truck? It would have served the same purpose.

"Just in case I had to speed." He remarked causing me to laugh for the first time in weeks. Leave it to Charlie to be witty and less than punctual. Though, I was certain the true reason resided somewhere in the sub context that he could arrest anyone that tried to hurt me – but I remained silent on the subject.

* * *

The drive to Forks was silent.

Few questions were asked. Few answers were given.

Generally, I used the time to memorize the natural landmarks. Things had yet to change.

Under a constant cloud of rain, Forks remained a quiet little town on the Northern Pacific Coast. Inconsequentially, I found that there was something about these meek conditions that I had desperately missed.

"I thought we could have dinner at the diner tonight." He offered quietly as they passed by it on Highway 78. It was the only true restaurant in Forks and it was by far Charlie Swans most frequented establishment. Second only to his home and the station.

"Sure." I supplied as I returned my gaze out the window. Another good thing about Charlie was that he didn't speak too much – he didn't ask too many questions and unlike Renee, wasn't a helicopter parent.

I continued to watch the tree line passing by the window. Even the trees, the subarray, and the foliage hadn't seemed to change since her last visit three years ago. This time was different though. This time she was here to stay. Permanently. She hadn't lived with Charlie longer than a few months at a time since she was ten. As the thought crossed her mind, she found a familiar sight just to the left. A long drive that lead directly to a home built almost entirely out of glass. The Cullen's.

"Are the Cullen's still here?" I asked curiously.

"Dr. Cullen and his family?" Charlie asked his eyes trailing to the drive. "Sure. Alice ask about you every time I see her. I don't think she ever forgot her best friend." He supplied leaving me to remember the best moments of my childhood.

From an early age, each day of my summer had been spent here in Forks, Washington with Alice and Edward Cullen. Fraternal twins, they couldn't have been more different. Though, at the time, they were the only friends that I had known. Alice and I shared a wonderful bond – sisters – we used to call ourselves. When we weren't gossiping about our favorite Disney characters we spent countless hours trying to give each other a proper pedicure. Even Edward had joined in on one occasion.

Edward Cullen. He was the only best friend, besides Alice, that I had ever had. No matter the friends that I had made in Phoenix did not amount to the companionship that I shared with Edward. During the summer of first grade, Edward had even kissed me! We had been in the garden when he kissed my cheek. I had been so embarrassed that I ran away from him. The following day he had left me a note that said he was 'Really sowwy for kissin' me but, he only wanted me to marry him.'

The moment still held a place in my heart. I remembered it fondly.

Though, the years had not been kind to our friendship. When we entered High school the once weekly letters stopped arriving. By that time, only scarce emails would arrive. Primarily in the summer. I couldn't honestly account for the last time that I had spoken to the pair – properly.

I had been so distracted in my thoughts that I hadn't realized that the cruiser was no longer moving. Turning, I saw the old familiar dwelling before me.

"Home." I whispered.

Charlie had gone to great lengths to make sure I would be comfortable. He had transformed my room into a spacious and cozy room. The once pink walls had been painted a lighter shade of blue – new bedding had been laid on my bed. "I hope you like purple, the sales lady picked it out." He commented from behind me. I continued to gaze about the room in amazement. Where a toy chest once sat, a desk now stood – a desk lamp just atop. "The lamp works great." He said seeing me eyeing it.

"It's great dad." I replied with the hint of a smile.

"Well, I'll let you get settled. We'll leave shortly for the diner. I know that you must be hungry." He said leaving me to my own devices. Again another reason that I loved Charlie, he didn't linger.

Pulling the suitcases forward I begin to unpack the generous wardrobe that Renee and I had prepared prior to my venture. It situated perfectly in my closet. All that remained when we returned was to place a few pictures about the room – recent pictures – I added to my thoughts. It was then I heard a strange commotion from just below my window. I could have sworn that it sounded like the firing of an engine. In fact it was. Parked just below my window stood a brute of a truck. Though the color had faded tremendously, I watched as Charlie pulled himself from the driver's seat. Stepping closer to my window, I found that he was attempting to get my attention. Slowly, I made my way down the staircases and into the driveway. Standing beside this remarkable beast stood my father.

"What do you think?" he shot gauging my expression.

"It's great!" I responded enthusiastically. "Did you trade your old Ford for it?"

"No." he replied sincerely as he reached in his pocket and removed something. As he reached out with his palm open I recognized that it was a key. Upon the chain was something particularly curious. Her initials were engraved on the wooden charm. "It's yours. A welcome home gift." He offered.

My eyes flew to Charlie. "You bought me a truck?" I whispered as I reached out to touch its medal frame.

"Yup. I bought it off Billy. I just put some new snow tires on it. It runs like a charm. Its seen a few years. I believe Billy said that it was a 1968 model but I can't swear by it. I figure it will serve you just as well. I wouldn't want you have to be riding in the cruiser all the time. The kids wouldn't think that's too cool."

I couldn't help but laugh. It was pathetic but it was true. She would rather take the bus than to ride in the cruiser each day to school. "Thank you so much Dad. I love it!" I said pulling the keys into my hand.

"Well jump in. You can drive to the diner." And with that he was already loading into the passenger side of the truck.

Charlie Swan had purchased her a truck. Had Renee known about this? Had she been in on it? But they hadn't known that she had made the decision to return until shy on two weeks ago. Surely they hadn't been planning this for that long. Or had they? With a smile, I reached up to open the door and pulled myself into the cab. "It'll take some getting used to." I heard Charlie say as I turned the ignition – the truck roared to life.

"I guess that means I can drive myself to school tomorrow?" I asked looking to Charlie as I steadily began pulling from our drive. In all her driving lessons she had never encountered something this large. Charlie was quite right. It would take more than a little getting used to. This was a beast that I would learn how to navigate.

He nodded. It was one regret about returning to Forks – I would be returning to Forks High School. I had yet to attend classes since IT happened. However, since I was transferring to another school out of the district I would not be penalized for the time missed. I would have to catch up on the material that had been offered since the beginning of term, however. Only three months remained prior to graduation. If I was to leave my past behind, there was no better way to start. Today was the beginning of a new life – tomorrow was a beginning to forever.

Moments later I turned into the familiar drive of the diner. Few cars inhabited the parking lot. I was grateful. I didn't know how many, if any, knew of my return to Forks but I would rather keep it that way if possible. Too many questions would be asked and I wasn't all to certain I was prepared for them. Though my name had not been mentioned specifically, in the global newscast mention had been made that the victim was the daughter of an officer in blue. They had re-framed from mentioning Charlie's name specifically. Though, I wasn't sure how long that it would last.

Charlie was the first to order as I studied the menu carefully. Conversation was casual and our meal was eaten in near silence. As they finished the last of their meal, Charlie received a call from the station. Urgent he said. "Nate is going to pick me up. Are you okay to drive home?" he asked me no doubt worried about my safety. Other than the plane ride, I had not been left entirely alone.

"I'll be fine dad." I assured as he pulled his coat over his shoulders. I watched him carefully. "Actually." I began as a thought crossed my mind. "Would it be okay if I stopped by the Cullen's on the way home. It's been a long time. I thought it might be a nice surprise." I suggested. It was true. I was eager to see my old friends and family. It would be a nice addition to my 'new' life.

He conceded and as he jumped into Nate's car, I pulled myself into the Beast.

I was going to see the Cullen's.

I was going to see my family.


	5. Chapter Four: Greetings

Disclaimer: Twilight nor its affiliates are of my own creation. The characters of this work belong entirely to Stephanie Meyer.

Summary: Isabella Swan had a notion of what her life was to be. In pursuit of happiness and joy, a tragic price was paid. Forced to return to her childhood home of Forks, Washington Isabella is compelled to keep her past from interfering from her future. All human.

Author's Note: Rated M for graphic content.

 **Chapter Four: Greetings**

 **Narrator's POV**

She had been seated in the cab of her truck for near on five minutes and had yet to turn the ignition. Isabella Swan sat engaged in thought as she contemplated reaching out to her old friends. The Cullen's had been the closest thing that she had to family aside from Charlie and Renee and now Phil. They were her friends, her protectors, and her confidants. Without them, she did not feel entirely whole. Opening her eyes, she attempted to dismiss the thoughts. She could not allow trivial insecurities to keep her from living her life.

She had already lost so much of herself.

She couldn't lose her family too.

Turning the ignition, she steadily pulled the car into reverse and headed onto the open highway. She was less than a mile from their home. Pausing, she gazed at the marble encased mailbox. This was it. Bella thought. Turning into the drive she found that little had changed. It appeared that Esme continued to be an avid groundskeeper for the home – it looked rather remarkable. Edging closer, she could see the rim of the house in the distance.

She remembered many evenings playing in these woods – hiding, running, and climbing as fast as possible. She remembered every snow ball fight, every rain dance, and every moment spent under the sky, star gazing. It was familiar. It too was like home.

Putting her truck into park at the lower end of the home, she killed the ignition. From this postion, she could not tell whether the family was at home. The garage was closed and there was no sign of life from the exterior. Slowly, she steadied herself out of the truck. Closing the door, she headed for the front steps. Putting her hands to her head she attempted to brush through the loose curls the hung from her head. Ah, humidity. She thought desperately. Somethings she wouldn't miss.

Satisfied with the progress she straightened her clothes and reached to ring to bell. No sooner than it rang did she attempt to turn around. Was she ready for this? So soon after IT happened? Could she pretend to have such a normal life? Could she really pretend that it had never happened?

That is when she heard it.

The voice.

"Hello?" It was the same velvet voice that greeted her each time that she called their home. It was the same voice that she had spent so many hours singing bad show tunes with. Its owner was the same person that had confessed their love and proposal to her at just seven years old.

Slowly, she rounded lifting her head to see him. Oh how she missed him.

"Edward." She breathed. Their eyes locked upon one another. Bella wasn't sure how long that they had been standing on the Cullen's front steps, gazing into one another's eyes. She was only certain that when he spoke she wanted to hold to him and never let go. She had already lost her best friend once. She was not bound to do it again.

"Bella?" he asked confused. "How?" he asked a smile filling his features. "When?" he continued to probe as he stepped closer.

"This morning. I landed in Seattle at ten and connected to Port Angeles." She responded lightly as another voice rounded about. It was one that she had known far too well.

"Edward, who is it?" she asked curiously trying to see behind the stone features of her son. Leisurely he stepped to his right so that his mother might get a closer look at their unanticipated guest. Neither would have guest that the same young woman would be standing before them in this moment.

"Hello, Esme." Bella greeted as she enveloped in a tight hug.

She froze. Taking breath's, she tried to calm herself. She wasn't in any danger. She was safe. It was just Esme. Still, she continued to chant to herself. Gradually, she attempted to reach out to show Esme that she was okay when variably, Esme could see otherwise. Perhaps it was her natural instinct or just a perception – either way Bella was certain that this was not the way that she wanted to begin this reunion. "Bella. We've missed you so much."

Removing her arms from around Bella's upper torso arms. Seeing the hesitation, she grasped her hand. With only a timid flinch Bella pressed on as Esme pulled her into her home. The matter would be addressed later. Esme thought. Now was a time of celebration. Their Bella was back!

"Come in!" she ushered releasing her hand. Had it not been for the sound of the shutting door, she would have forgotten about Edwards presence. Crossing the threshold Bella was greeted by a warm aroma of vanilla. She had purchased a candle with a similar scent shortly after her last visit – to remind her of them – forever. Pictures lined the walls. New and old. 'Edward and Alice through the Ages' she had named it as a young girl. Since, additional photographs had been added to the collection. Along with a few of her own.

One particular picture caught her attention. It was the day that Edward had proposed. She and Edward had been setting in the backyard, sides touching and gazing out into the yonder field. She hadn't realized until now that Esme had captured the candid moment. A smile crossed her lips and her finger traced the outline of the photograph.

They continued until they reached the setting room. Were it not for Esme's announcement she might not have recognized Alice Cullen. Wearing a full avocado face mask, her hair in pins, and the aroma of nail polish drifting in the air she recognized it as Alice day spa. "We have a guest Alice." She proclaimed. Alice looked absolutely terrified. A slight giggle emitted from Bella's lips.

"So help me if its Jasper, I will kill him. He knows todays sp…." Alice barked turning to the assembled crowd when a shriek broke through the air.

"Alice!" Edward hissed attempting to sooth his damaged ears.

"Bella! Is it really you?!" she exclaimed rushing to her friend. Bella smiled as the little pixie bounded about. Never had she seen her this excited. "Oh my gosh! I've missed you so much!" Unfortunately Alice chose the wrong spot to choose to hug her. She pressed directly over her right torso where she had received one of two stab wounds. Bella pressed her lips together to keep from crying out in pain. She attempted to hold her own. Perhaps she should have waited until she was properly healed before exposing herself to such greetings.

As Alice released Bella attempt to hid the pain that was coursing through her she found it was not as easy as expected. "It's really me." She breathed as she avoided Esme's worried frame. However as her eyes bounded not only could she see it reflected in Esme's reflection but she could see a hint of curiosity in both Edward and Alice. Though Alice seemed all the more worried about her long lost best friend coming home.

Taking a seat, Bella attempted to recount her decision coming back to Forks with as few details as possible. The less they knew, the better. Better for her. Better for them. They wouldn't have to bear her burden. Her tragedy. They would know her as the girl that they knew and loved not the disgraced individual she had become.

However, halfway through her tale she could feel her inner shirt grow cold. Pressing her fingers lightly to the site she found that when her hand retracted it was covered in a fair amount of blood. Damn. She thought. She knew that it had been painful when Alice attacked her. She hadn't realized that she could have possibly busted a stitch. Clutching her hand, she made sure that the Cullen's had been non the wiser to her momentary lapse in response.

"Esme, is it okay if I use your restroom?" Bella asked her eyes avoiding all opportunity to see the faces of the others. Lifting herself from the couch she moved hastily into the guest washroom on the bottom level. Thank goodness that had not remodeled otherwise, Bella wouldn't know how to navigate their spacious home. Making sure that the door was closed, Bella lifted her shirt to examine the site. To her horror the wound was half exposed.

She could feel herself growing faint at the sight. Carefully she pulled a wash towel from the rag and began to douse it with warm water. If she could just apply pressure, it would stop. Even if it were just long enough for her to make a break back to Charlies. After three rounds of douses, Bella found that while it had slowed, it hadn't entirely stopped. She didn't have much time.

Reaching she attempted to rinse away the rest of the evidence when she heard a tap on the door. "Bella?" the voice asked. "It's Esme." She affirmed. "Are you okay? You didn't look as if you were feeling too well." She commented slightly.

"I'm okay." I called back softly as I continued to rinse the sodden cloth.

"Dear, is it okay if I come in? It's just me." She pressed.

My heart panicked. No. No. No. She couldn't see this. She couldn't know. No. No one in Forks could know. She had to keep her past behind her. She had to keep moving forward.

In the sheer moment of panic, Bella realized she had neglected to lock the door. In that moment Bella froze. Her jacket had been discarded upon the floor. The hem of her shirt had been raised to access the site much easier. As if in slow motion, the door began to open. There was absolutely nothing that she could do. In her haste, Bella pulled the towel she had been using over the wound. Ashamed, she turned so that she was not facing Esme. "Bella?" she asked.

At first, she thought that Esme had decided to leave her be – the door promptly shut. However, as she turned to put the rag under the hot water, she found that Esme had closed the door and was leaning against the interior. Her eyes shot directly to my bruised and blood covered abdomen. "Dear lord." She whispered.

The sobs ripped through her body as she dropped the blood drenched towel from my hand. Holding tightly to her, Bella clung to Esme as they sank to the floor. "Oh Bella." Esme cried.

She allowed Bella to cry. Though, she didn't entirely understand what was happening.

Bella was uncertain about how long they remained on her bathroom floor. Looking to Esme in desperation Bella spoke.

"Promise you won't say anything?" she begged as Esme attempted to place a new warm towel over her side.

"Only if you tell me what happened." Esme briskly responded.

Esme Cullen had always been a woman of her word – why would she choose now to break that vow? Bella contemplated for several seconds. She had wanted nothing more than to start anew in Forks. Her past was supposed to be just that – the past. It wasn't supposed to haunt her in this way. No, she was supposed to be free from the horrors… free from the nightmares…. In the moment, there didn't appear to be any other options: It was either lie to Esme or lose the only possible hope and dignity that remained.

She made her decision.

"I was raped."


	6. Chapter Five: Sheltered Secrets

Disclaimer: Twilight nor its affiliates are of my own creation. The characters of this work belong entirely to Stephanie Meyer.

Summary: Isabella Swan had a notion of what her life was to be. In pursuit of happiness and joy, a tragic price was paid. Forced to return to her childhood home of Forks, Washington Isabella is compelled to keep her past from interfering from her future. All human.

Author's Note: Rated M for graphic content.

 **Chapter Five: Sheltered Secrets**

 **Isabella's POV**

Morning dawned quite sooner than I would have liked. A slight shadow passed by window as I was stirred by the alarm clock that Charlie had so pleasantly purchased for me. Turning to stretch, I found myself a little hesitant. My hand instantly dropped to my side where, in addition to my previous stitches, seven new ones had been added.

The memory of the previous night's events flooded my mind.

The majority of my evening had been spent at the home of Carlisle and Esme Cullen. Of course, as fate were to have it - an unprecedented accident was obtained from a casual encounter. And, in a moment of sudden desperation and fear, I divulged my horrific testament to Esme.

Once I began, I had been unable to stop. Though, I spared her as many graphic details as was possible. She knew that I had been viciously attacked and brutally raped. She knew that all my attempts at escape were futile. She knew that I had no memory of the events that followed - of the space between the attack and my arrival at the hospital. She knew that a national and potentially global search had begun for my attackers. And she also knew how desperate I was to leave Phoenix, Arizona.

Esme knew.

And she loved me still.

* * *

Following my moment of distraction, Carlisle silently joined us. Without question from either me or his wife, he made seven new stitches in addition to my previous set. Carlisle did not press for information. He trusted that whatever it may be, I would come to him in time – just as I always had.

I was grateful for his unobtrusive nature and for his gentle nature. I had missed it more than he would ever know.

After completing his stitch work, he made sure to instruct me to the proper dressing that could prevent such an incident occurring again. He also made mention in his efforts that, while he was greatly worried, he still loved me like his own daughter.

This made IT harder to bare than it already had been.

* * *

After assuring a terrified Edward and anxious Alice that I had a minor accident prior to Forks and the jostling had caused the stitches to tear – they were temporarily at peace. Though, I didn't know how much longer I could keep this from them. Any of them. They had been such a vital part of my life – and now? Would that change? Better yet, did I want it to?

For now, silence was better. Or so I thought. I could feel Edwards gaze follow me as Carlisle helped me to my truck. He had offered to drive me home and speak to Charlie on my behalf. Not to cause fear – but to ensure that I was well cared for. Esme would follow in his Mercedes.

Pulling my belt across my chest, Carlisle pulled the Beast into drive and we were off. Silence filled the space around us as we reached the bottom drive – the only sound that could be heard was the sound of my blinker indicating a turn eastward.

"Carlisle." I said softly. My eyes turned to him as he momentarily directed his attention to me rather than the road. I watched as his focus trained between the two. "Before I came to Forks…." I began but found that my voice had grown thick. Why was I doing this? I had sworn at my departure that I would not inform a single soul – and here I was about to forgo the entire idea. "Phil and Renee had flown to Jacksonville for a tryout. Just like every weekend, they trusted me to fend for myself." How wrong they had been. The image burned in her mind as she remembered the beginning of her day. So peaceful it began and how disastrous it ended.

"I had just left a bookstore when it started to get dark. I decided to take a shortcut home." I prompted and continued afraid that if I were to stop, I would never start again. "That's when they spotted me. I didn't know who they were… At first I thought they just wanted my wallet so I tried to run. That's when they pulled out the night."

I could feel my stomach turn at the thought.

"That's when they pulled me into the old warehouse." I whispered. I could feel his gaze intent upon me. My eyes were distracted by the darkness just beyond my door. I couldn't bare to look at him any longer. It was too painful to see the reaction. "They didn't stop Carlisle." I cried. "When I didn't do what they wanted… one of them stabbed me while the other…" I could see his hands visibly tighten around the wheel.

"I couldn't scream. I couldn't run." By this point, I had begun to shake. I hadn't even realized that Carlisle had pulled my truck onto the shoulder of the road until Esme had opened the passenger door and unbuckled me from my seat. Gently, she squeezed beside me and pulled me into her arms – just as Rene had done when I had awoken in the hospital.

For the second time that night, I hugged to Esme. "They kept taking turns…" I coughed as I could feel Carlisle's hand against my own. His eyes held a certain understanding. I couldn't keep this from him. Just like I hadn't kept it from Renee, from Charlie, from Phil, or from Esme. The burden was too much to bare alone. I had been stupid to think that I could pretend to hide it forever – nothing more than a fool.

"Thank you." He supplied. I was bewildered by his response. "Thank you for trusting me. I can't imagine how difficult it is for you to share but Bella, I want you to know that you are part of this family – you always have been – and your burdens are our burdens. We carry them together."

* * *

Removing my hand from my side, I quickly crossed to my closet where I pulled a simple pair of faded jeans and a casual blouse. It was modest – blue in color. Satisfied with my choice, I crossed the bathroom that Charlie and I shared. Brushing gentle strokes through my hair, I twisted it into a haphazard bun atop my head. I had not the energy or the patients for styling my hair.

Stepping into the hallway I stepped downstairs where I found Charlie enjoying his morning paper and a brisk cup of coffee. "Morning Dad." I greeted lightly as I went straight to the coffee maker. Had it not been for Renee's infatuation – I never would have learned of the magic known as coffee.

"Bells." He greeted not looking up from the crime page. Since I was young, I could remember this being a part of his daily routine. I was glad to see that this too had not changed.

Pulling out a chair, I seated myself beside him. It was only seven. I still had forty-five minutes before school would begin. Taking a sip of my coffee, I inhaled deeply. Distracted, I hadn't realized that Charlie was speaking until he repeated his question. "Are you nervous about your first day?" He folded the paper and sat it beside his cup. No doubt, he would take it with him to continue reading during the day.

"A bit." I admitted.

"It will be okay. At least you'll have Alice and Edward, right?" Charlie inquired.

Yes. Alice and Edward. No doubt whom, were curious as to why I had suddenly disappeared and was generously escorted home by their parents with nothing more than a slight explanation, or lie in this case, to tide them over. "Yea." I whispered. Should I have been more excited at the prospect? They were, had been, my best friends. But now?

Dousing my coffee, I nearly burned my tongue in the attempt. "I best get going." I offered as I grabbed my bag that had been sitting by the door. "I will be at the station at three." I stated before he had a chance to remind me.

It was our agreement following last night events – though appreciative to Dr. and Mrs. Cullen for their actions, Charlie couldn't help but fear for me and my safety. Thus, I was to return to the station after school each day unless I was accompanied to Carlisle and Esme's by either Alice and Esme. It was his way of protecting me the only way that he knew how. I had also found a can of portable pepper spray had been added to my key chain. Great. I thought.

Opening the door, I proceeded to open the door. Taking a step through, I was halted in my steps. Slowly, I perched back and looked to Charlie through the open doorway. "I love you, Dad." I whispered and continued on my way. I don't know what had prompted me to show such affection but, it felt, right?

Steadying myself, I stepped into the cab of my truck. It immediately roared to life. It was a two-mile trek to Forks High School. In the worst of conditions, it was a fifteen-minute drive. Crossing onto the main stretch of highway, I quickly spotted the turn off. There were several cars already lining the parking lot. Only a few parking spots remained. Deciding to park some ways from the rest of the general populous, I found a spot a few feet from the tree line.

I could see the eyes following me as I stepped from my truck. Attempting to ignore them, I pressed forward. Rounding into the main building, I found the office situated just to the left of the entrance. Striding in I was immediately greeted by the desk clerk that I assumed to be the infamous Mrs. Cope.

"How can I help you dear?" she greeted.

"I'm Isabella Swan – I'm transferring from…" However, before I could finish my sentence she had briefly interrupted.

"You're Chief Swan's daughter." She stated pulling a stack of forms from her side. Ah, so Charlie had already made them aware of my attendance. "From Phoenix, right?" she continued.

Had she not been so pleasant, I might had been quite snarky. I reframed. "Yes ma'am." I replied genuinely. Rounding from behind her desks she held out several different forms. One was a schedule of courses I was enrolled in for the semester. Another was a map – highlighted with the most direct routes to my classes. The last was syllabus advisor. "On the last, you'll just need to have each of your teachers sign off. This one you will return at the end of your day." I nodded in response.

"What about paperwork?" I asked. When enrolling in Phoenix she had an informative packet that was to be completed each year.

"Oh, the Chief already took care of all that. Don't you worry. Your father's been quite busy." Mrs. Cope provided. That much, I was quite aware of.

After a quick farewell, I exited the office. My first stop would be to find my assigned locker. Bounding through the hallway I found that it was not that hard to navigate. With only three hundred students, Forks High was quite small in comparison to the thirty-five hundred student population that I had been a part of while in Phoenix. Things were going to be drastically different.

Navigating through the crowd, I finally located my locker. In my first attempts to open it, I failed. On my third try, I heard a voice call out to me. "Bella!" it yelled. I immediately turned to find the source. There were only two students who would know her by that name.

Looking to her left, she found Edward nearing close. "Need some help?" he asked with a chuckle. He could see that I had failed to correctly input my locker combination.

In just a few seconds he had the locker open. "But how?" I asked thoroughly confused.

He smiled brightly and held out the lock to her. "I had the same one last year. Took me nearly a week to figure out the right code. See, Mrs. Cope has it all backwards. Its 33-09-22 not 09-33-22." At this rate, I never would have gotten.

"Thanks." I responded pulling the spare supplies from my bag and placing them in my locker. I could see his eyes trail my own as he did not leave my side.

"What's your schedule like?" Edward asked curiously.

Hesitantly I pulled the folded sheet from the pocket of my bag. "Well, it looks like I have Spanish, English, then math. And after lunch, Biology and gym. Not very exciting."

"You'll have Spanish and math with Alice, no doubt. And unfortunately English and Bio with me. Though for gym you may be on your own."

"Yes of course. Because assigning gym to the persons with the inability to walk across a flat surface is such an intelligent idea." I joshed.

Edward laughed enthusiastically. "You never could stand on your own two feet." He prompted.

It was true, even as a child I incurred more battle wounds and bruises doing the simplest of task. "What was it you used to call me… collido?" I smirked.

"I didn't." Edward defended rashly. "That was all Emmett."

Emmett Cullen. I remembered him fondly. He was the eldest of the Cullen trio. Standing at 6'2" and 260lbs he was one of the greatest linebackers in the AAWU, the Athletic Association of West Coast Universities. Having graduated the previous year, I remembered seeing his face plastered across the Washington State University recruits page. It seemed that he was doing quite well in his new environment. Oh how I missed his incessant cantor and brutish nature. He was the big brother that I had never had.

How could I forgotten his antics?

Before I could even respond, the sound of the first bell alerted them of their first classes. "Will you be okay from here?" he asked. It took a moment to understand what he was asking. Would I be okay getting to my first class?

"Yes. I'll be fine." I encouraged. I didn't know whether I was trying to convince myself or Edward more of the fact.

He looked unconvinced. He retreated either way. "I'll see you later." He promised as he left me to my map and my schedule. Both which appeared quite apprehensive at the moment. The first section was highlighted red for Spanish. It was only three doors from her locker. At least I would make it to my first courses. The rest, I was uncertain.

In each class, I was recognized as the new student. Most recognized my name – the only memorable faces I found that were of Angela Webber, pastor's daughter, and Jasper Whitlock, Alice's now boyfriend. The rest, besides Alice and Edward Cullen that is, were strangers to me. By the close of the day, I wanted nothing more than to find comfort in my warm bed.

Reaching the office, I was greeted again by Mrs. Cope, Forks High School secretary. "How was your first day, Isabella?" she asked as I took the moment to pull the syllabus attachment from my bag. In doing so, I silently corrected her. Bella. My name was Bella.

"It was good." I answered. I couldn't quite have told her that it was quite dull – Forks was ages behind Phoenix in every way possible. The course material I had been presented I had completed months ago. At first glance, it appeared that Forks High would not present to be much of a challenge.

Bidding her farewell, I took my leave. Crossing the parking lot, I felt a familiar sensation welling within me. My heart was racing, my breathing leveled as I turned to see who it was that was following me. "Alice!" I yelped as she looked to me curiously.

"Are you okay Bella? I didn't mean to scare you. I hoped to catch you before you went home." Alice amended as my general terror began to wear down. "I forgot to ask you during lunch if you wanted to come over? We didn't really get to talk last night and… I miss you." She whispered.

There was something about her expression that I couldn't quite deny. "Well, I promised Charlie I would meet him at the station after school." I confessed. "Your welcome to come with me if you want. I don't think he will have a problem with it." I continued.

I hadn't told her that he had already made such concessions in the event of this being a habit. It wasn't something that she wanted to explain – especially not at the moment.

"Sure! I'd love to!" she cried as she sprinted for my truck.

What had I done?


	7. Chapter Six: Determing Disaster

Disclaimer: Twilight nor its affiliates are of my own creation. The characters of this work belong entirely to Stephanie Meyer.

Summary: Isabella Swan had a notion of what her life was to be. In pursuit of happiness and joy, a tragic price was paid. Forced to return to her childhood home of Forks, Washington Isabella is compelled to keep her past form interfering from her future. All human.

Author's Note: Rated M for graphic content.

 **Chapter Six: Determining Disaster**

 **Isabella's POV**

Seven weeks had passed since I arrived in Forks, Washington. Likewise, it had been ten weeks since the incident that altered the course of my life, forever.

It was a Friday afternoon. As March signified the beginning of spring, today was but a half-day of school. Having endured the necessary tasks for the day, I resigned myself to spending lunch hour in solace. Since returning to Forks, I had neglected to spend much time alone – this was not only by choice but by preference of Charlie. I had a suspicion that he and Renee had devised the plan once I made the decision to leave Phoenix.

As it was, Renee and Phil had been doing quite well since my departure. Though, they too had been deeply affected by my attack. Just two weeks ago they packed up the last of their things in Phoenix and set their sights on Jacksonville, Florida. Renee loved it – perhaps even more than Phil. Though, I was certain that Phil was content – he had a five-year contract with the Suns to look forward to and mom… well mom had her entire life ahead. She could chart the stars, be crazy, and have fun.

I talked to her almost daily. Either by phone or by email. Though, until they were settled in their new house it would likely be while before email communications would continue.

I was happy for them. They were moving on.

Now, if only I could.

It seemed as though the world was progressing without me. Each day held a new challenge. Forgetting hadn't been quite as easy as I anticipated. If anything, it was worse than I could have ever imagined. Each memory – each dream – came at such a price. They took with me any hope that I had built. Had it not been for Charlie, Esme, and Carlisle, I wasn't entirely sure that I would still be standing. With their help, I had somehow made it this far. They assured me that it would get easier with time.

Time.

At the moment, it seemed like my only enemy – other than my own thoughts.

Taking hold of the glass before me I could feel my stomach churn at the mere thought. I could feel the bile rising in the back of my throat as rushed to set down the glass. My feet were moving faster than my mind. At last, I reached the porcelain and out poured the contents of both my breakfast and lunch. For the past two days, nothing had seemed to settle well. I discounted it as merely nerves – today was my first appointment with the gynecologist. It had been a recommended visit after the ordeal my body had been put through.

Had it not been for Esme, I would not have committed to go. However, once she knew of the appointment, there was no stopping it. Reaching up, I pulled the handle allowing the contents to be flushed out of sight and out of mind. Standing I reached for my toothbrush and hastily brushed my teeth. Esme would be here at any moment. They would have to be in Port Angeles by three and it was almost two now.

As if on cue, she heard the bell ring below. Rushing, she grabbed the necessary items. Her chart which Charlie had somehow managed to gain access to, her prior medical records, and a photo copy of both her insurance and ID. Reaching to doorway, she was greeted by Esme's warm embrace. "Hi." I greeted.

"Hello dear." She greeted me as she passed to me a bottle of unknown liquid. Eying it suspiciously I looked to Esme as we headed for the Mercedes.

"It's ginger tea. It will help with the nerves." She replied.

Had I mentioned how much I loved Esme? Pulling open the cup I took a sip. The cool liquid soothed my burning throat. The test would come soon enough. "Thank you." I whispered. "But how?" I asked.

"Alice said you've been all nerves lately. I remember when the twins were little and sick to their stomachs I could fix ginger tea and they would be settled by morning. I brought an extra in case you managed to make it through one." She said with a smile as they set forth on their long journey.

Conversation was minimal. Mostly consisting of school and Jacksonville. A comforting silence filled the space between the pair. "Thank you Esme." I said as we entered the mainframe of Port Angeles.

"What for dear?" Esme asked sincerely as she eased onto the access road. They were only a few miles from their destination at this point.

"For everything." I said with ease. Her support had been boundless never ceasing. Had Renee been in Forks, she was sure that the same could be said for her own mother. Esme had merely taken up the role.

"I don't do it for thanks Bella. I do it because I love you. Remember that." She retorted. I knew that there was nothing more that I could do or say to show her that it was more than just her love and affection. Her kindness, her compassion – it knew no bounds. Rather than defend my point, I remained silent. Pulling the tea to my lips I took another sip. I could see the edge of the medical center nearing closer. My stomach was in knots.

As Esme pulled into the parking garage I saw her begin to gather her things. I stilled her and clutched her hands. "You won't leave me, right?" I asked carefully. I wanted her by my side. I needed her. I couldn't do this by myself. Had it not been for the nature of the visit, I might have asked Charlie to go with me but as it was, I was rather embarrassed and allotted to ask Esme instead. I felt confident in my choice.

With a kiss to my temple, her eyes never left me. "I'm not going anywhere." She affirmed.

* * *

The paperwork was torturous. I felt that I was signing my entire life over to this office. The questionnaire alone was enough to make me squirm in my seat. How did anyone fill comfortable answering these questions? With my records in hand, I approached the check-in desk. "Isabella Swan." I said in a low voice. The nurse watched me carefully as I hand the sealed records to her. No doubt, she understood the significance and nodded. "The doctor will see you shortly. A nurse will call when you are ready." She responded.

I simply nodded and returned to my seat beside Esme. She had a magazine that appeared rather interesting. At least she had something to pass the time – I however had nothing but my thoughts. Reaching for my ginger tea I had taken one sip when I heard my name called from the back of the room.

Jumping to my feet, I felt Esme wrap her arm around me as we headed forward.

"Miss Swan, do you mind stepping on the scale for me?" the nurse asked as I immediately passed through the doorway.

I obliged as she attempted to measure both my height and weight. "5'2" 108 pounds." The nurse mumbled to herself charting them. The next stop was my examination room. "I'm Erika." She greeted. "Isabella if you will take a seat just here on the table and mom, you can have a seat just there if you would like."

I froze. Esme hadn't the heart to correct her – nor had I.

"Now Isabella, I am going to ask you just a few questions that you left blank on your questionnaire, okay?" she prompted. I merely nodded in responses. "Okay, when was your last menstruation?" Closing my eyes, I attempted to remember. It had been just a week before IT happened. "January 15th?" I responded. Though, I wasn't quite confident with my answer. My emergency room doctor had informed me that it was not uncommon to experience irregular periods following such a severe trauma. "And when was your last date of sexual intercourse?" she asked.

If only she knew the reason that I had failed to answer this specific question. I could feel my breathing become erratic. My eyes darted to Esme's in desperation. "It's okay Bella." She assured me. Nodding, I turned back to the nurse Erika. "January 22nd." I whispered.

"Alright." She commented making a note in the chart. "There is a gown at the foot of the bed. You will need remove your bottoms – underwear included. Dr. Thomas will be in shortly." And with that, she was gone from sight.

I could feel Esme's arms embrace me as I leaned into her chest. I held back the tears but the anxiety was just as worse. Couldn't she see what her probing had caused? "Come on dear, let's get you into this gown before Nurse Nazi returns." Her stifling comment caused me to laugh. Esme was incredible.

Just moments after situating myself on the examination table, a gentleman I presumed to be Dr. Thomas, entered. "Hello, Isabella. I'm Mark Thomas." He greeted, extending his hand for both I and Esme to shake. Pulling a pair of glove from the table, he took a seat. I watched him cautiously. "Dr. Maverick from Phoenix University Hospital sent me your records. I appreciate you bringing in the physical copy today as well." He stated softly.

"Now, I just want to ask you some follow up questions about somethings you mentioned on the questionnaire." He began. "You said your last period was just before the incident?" he asked. I nodded. "Since have you had any bleeding? Spotting?"

"At first. Nothing after the first two days." I replied solemnly. "Dr. Maverick said that it wasn't unusual to be irregular the first few months after." I continued.

Dr. Thomas nodded. "It's not uncommon." he agreed. "You see, when your body is exposed to such severe trauma, it is like it retreats into itself for protection. In your case, it could take several weeks for your cycle to regulate. And it may not be all too different from your first period. There is a tendency to be a bit more pain, cramping, and bloating - but I can prescribe something that might help." he assured.

"I'm just going to examine you really quick." Dr. Thomas said standing from his seated position. "Isabella, I just need you to lye back. I want you to bring your knees up to your chest and I am going to part them with my elbow." He explained. Swallowing, I looked to Esme who had moved to stand beside my chest.

"This is going to be a bit little uncomfortable. I promise that I will try to be as quick as possible" He admitted.

I could feel him relax my legs. I could feel him reach inside me. Closing my eyes, I tried not to focus on what was happening. I could hear Esme's voice in my ears trying to sooth me. Before I realized it, he had draped a blanket across my lower abdomen.

"Do you mind pulling your gown up to your bra line?" he asked. I looked to him curiously but obliged. I could feel the pressure of his hands as he pressed down upon my abdomen. Dr. Maverick had done the same when he was checking for quadrant pain.

Pulling his hands back to his side, he crossed to the counter where my discarded chart lay open. I could see him flicking through the various chart notes. "Miss Swan, when you were admitted to the hospital, do you remember Dr. Maverick offering a series of blood panels?" I nodded.

Hesitantly I spoke. "Yes. He said that it was important... important with rape victims to have the HIV status checked as soon as possible. Though, he said it would take nearly six months for the results to come back." I supplied.

"It's true." he offered. "With rape victims we fear that they can easily contract the disease unknowingly and unwillingly during the attack. The law demands that this be done." he substantiated. "But, there are a few other things that we check for. One of them is pregnancy." he continued.

Standing, he opened the exam room and motioned for the same nurse that had been with me previously. I was unable to hear his words but I could see something in his expression. I couldn't quite denote what it detailed but there was something amiss. Moments later, nurse Erika, or Nazi, as Esme had so fondly called her, reappeared with a machine at her side.

"This may be a bit cold." She warned as she picked up a small device and placed It on my abdomen. I flinched at the movement. She was right, it was definitely cold. "Dr. Thomas." She motioned as he joined her. Both were intrigued by the image on the screen. Turning over the projection, a drumming noise filled the room around them. My eyes caught Esme whose eyes brimmed with tears.

What was I missing?

"Isabella, when rape victims are admitted to the hospital, the majority are given what is called the Plan B pill. It is a safeguard against conception. But just like other contraceptive devices, it is not always effective." Dr. Thomas explained setting down my chart. His eyes were trained on me and the screen before us. "Do you see this dark spot just here?" He inquired.

"Yes." I whispered.

"That…. is your baby." He replied solemnly.

The word hit me like a bullet. What had he just said? Had I heard him correctly? As if to confirm his statement, I felt Esme's arms wrap closely around me. I could feel the sting from what I thought to be her tears. It took some time to realize that they were my own.

Pregnant.

The word was like an echo in my mind.

"No!" I cried horrified. "No!" I yelped as I was frozen against Esme's chest. I could feel the walls of my chest closing in. "Esme." I sobbed into her chest. This wasn't real. This couldn't possibly be happening.

I had sworn to leave that horrific day behind me.

Not only would I carry the burden of its memory but now, I would give birth to it.

I couldn't move.

I couldn't breathe.

Fate had determined my life.

It was a determined disaster.


	8. Chapter Seven: Relative Reactions

Disclaimer: Twilight nor its affiliates are of my own creation. The characters of this work belong entirely to Stephanie Meyer.

Summary: Isabella Swan had a notion of what her life was to be. In pursuit of happiness and joy, a tragic price was paid. Forced to return to her childhood home of Forks, Washington Isabella is compelled to keep her past form interfering from her future. All human.

Author's Note: Rated M for graphic content.

 **Chapter Seven: Relative Reactions**

 **Isabella's POV:**

The evidence of my ghastly assault was embedded in my mind, my soul, and as I had come to learn – dwelled directly in the core of physical being.

My fingers brushed across the image in my hand.

Though I could not determine the details of the image, its significance was enough. Conceived from the abysmal and horrendous nature of man – I had been halted in my attempts to severe the past from my mind.

I could feel the bile rising in the back of my throat.

I was going to be sick.

Raising the bin to my lips, I could feel the remaining contents of stomach fall from my lips. My nausea was nothing in comparison to the dull ache that resided in my temple. A chill passed through my body. I could feel Esme place the wet cloth over the back of neck. A slight pressure followed as she attempted to relax me. Since leaving Dr. Thomas' office, she had yet to leave my side.

"I can't do this Esme." I whispered hoarsely.

Her response came not in the form of words but of action. Her arms enveloped, encasing me. There she held me – just as she had in Dr. Thomas office. Just as she had weeks ago when I first arrived home. Just as she had my entire life.

"You're not alone Bella." She soothed. "I will support you no matter what – as will Carlisle." She continued.

My eyes fell upon the same image that I had been holding to since leaving Port Angeles. It was the only tangible evidence I had. The sound of a distant murmur filled my mind. The clarity was just as pronounced in my memory as it had been in the moment. My finger traced the outline of what I assumed to be my child.

My child.

* * *

 **Author's Note:** For all who may be curious, **A Steady Memory** will be updated weekly. As it is vital to my writing process, _**I encourage each reader to leave their review(s)!**_


	9. Chapter Eight: Apprehensive Afflictions

Disclaimer: Twilight nor its affiliates are of my own creation. The characters of this work belong entirely to Stephanie Meyer.

Summary: Isabella Swan had a notion of what her life was to be. In pursuit of happiness and joy, a tragic price was paid. Forced to return to her childhood home of Forks, Washington Isabella is compelled to keep her past form interfering from her future. All human.

 **Author's Note** : So, Bella's pregnant! How many saw that coming? And please – be honest.

On a second note: As suggested by several readers, I will attempt to focus on a sequences of events rather than sporadic moments. As far as length, I understand that my posts are limited in content. There is a reason. Please continue to review! I cannot stress how important it is as an author. Rated M for graphic content.

 **Chapter Eight: Apprehensive Afflictions**

 **Isabella's POV:**

Aside from my erratic heartbeat, a distinct noise interrupted the looming silence surrounding us.

Tires upon gravel – the kill of an ignition: It was the all too familiar sound of the police cruiser pulling into the drive.

Charlie was home.

I buried myself closer to Esme. My body was perfectly nestled to hers. My head rested upon her shoulder. With one hand I could feel her gentle strokes against my back. The other rested comfortable upon her knee. I knew that Charlie would recognize the Mercedes. He and Carlisle had evidently grown close during the years of my absence. Though, I was certain that he would not understand the magnitude of her attendance.

I was also certain that the bitter shame I felt would be nothing in comparison to my father's reaction.

I waited.

My chest was throbbing from the weight of my anxious heart. My body trembled from the timid character of my current state. I could hear the sound of the door open and close. The rhythmic sequence of steel boots striking the wooden floors reverberated in the small area. "Esme." I heard him greet. A slight confusion filled his tone. "Didn't expect to see you hear." He uttered. I could feel him growing closer.

A slight shift in Esme's body warned me of his impending presence. My mind raced at the prospects of Esme entertaining the topic of conversation. I had begged her to stay with me. I pleaded that if I was to share this news – that she couldn't leave me. I wasn't convinced that I would be capable of divulging such news even under the present circumstance, let alone by myself. "Bella asked if I would mind staying with her until you arrived home. I hope that I did not overstay my welcome." She expressed.

"Heaven's no!" Charlie declared. A slight heat fell around his face as he attempted to spare himself embarrassment. "I'm grateful that she has you." He continued as his eyes peered to his daughter wrapped in Esme's arms.

"Bells?"

I chose my moment careful. Gradually I lifted my head from atop Esme's chest. Though, my gaze remained directed at the floor. Memorizing the exact color differentiation of the hardwood floor seemed like a better use of my energy at the moment. Or at least, it offered to be a better distraction.

"Rough day?" he asked.

From my position I could see that he was presently seated in his favorite recliner. His stature was informal – his elbows rest atop his knees. I could only assume that his gaze was fixated upon me. "Yes." I croaked. In my only attempt to respond, my voice failed me. My own eyes fell upon Esme. I could see the depth of sorrow reflected in her eyes as I was sure was present in my own. Slowly, I turned my head to face my father.

His usual charismatic expression was replaced with confusion and to my utter dismay, fear. My eyes darted away from his expression. I couldn't bear to look any longer. Had this been his reaction when he learned of my attack? What would it then entail when he learned of Esme's true reason for staying with me? "I take it things didn't go well at the appointment?"

My eyes burned from the tears that threatened to fall. A sob broke from my lips as I raised my hand in attempt to stop it. I could feel a small hand compress against the small of my back – caressing in gentle movements. Even Esme's attempts to sooth me were to no avail. As I moved to place my right palm to my temple, I realized that I still held the sonogram. Without a second thought, I extended my hand placing the item directly into Charlie's outstretched hand.

Seconds passed.

"I'm pregnant." I cried.

Silence.

That was all that I could remember in the moments to follow – sheer silence.

Charlie rose to his feet – the image he had been give clutched beneath his grasp. He crossed to the mantle. Reaching out, he held to the concrete slab for support. His breathing became shallow gasps as he attempted to process the news that had just been delivered. No one dared to speak. I was huddled against Esme whose silent tears glistened on her cheeks. I could feel my own cascading across the tip of my jaw line. No one dared to speak in the moments that passed.

I could see a blister of white gather on Charlie's knuckles. His grip tightened. A faint red, perhaps purple, filled his face. Not even he could bare to face me. Who could blame him? The shame that I felt was tantamount to the blatant disgust I could see written in his features. I understood his pain – it was reflected in my own initial response.

Revulsion.

Embarrassment.

Absolute humiliation.

I had been so preoccupied by my thoughts that I hadn't noticed that Charlie was walking toward me. "Bella." He whispered. I was left to endure his scrutiny and without doubt – his rage.

I was more than perplexed when I felt him place his hand on my knee. My eyes drifted to his. Kneeling before me, his eyes were stained from the tears he had shed. No longer was he a resemblance of a ripened tomato but rather, he was quite pale. "Daddy." I cried as I felt Esme remove her arm from around my torso. Within seconds, it had been replaced by my father's embrace.

Wrapping my arms around the back of his neck, I held to him. I clung to him as if my life depended upon it. There we remained – for how long I did not know. I hadn't known Charlie to be a very expressive or emotional individual. I was seeing a different side to Charlie Swan – one that I had neglected to see the past seventeen years of my life. As a child, I saw my father as indestructible – he was the strongest man that I knew and I aspired to be the same. Whether it was the influence of the badge or just an observance of the man that I had grown to know, it had been my assumption. Charlie never broke. Never.

I cried knowing that I had caused this.

I had caused this agony.

"I'm sorry." I sobbed. "I'm so sorry!"

I was jolted when I felt his hands grasp my arms. "Don't you dare." He hissed. "Don't you dare apologize for what those... those… BASTARDS did!" His voice rose at the mention. "They did this Bella." He affirmed. "THEY. DID. THIS."

I shuddered as the power of his speech amplified. There was the rage I had anticipate. I hadn't anticipated that it would be directed at my attackers rather than me. I didn't know what to say. It was true. Had it not been for them, I wouldn't be in this position. Were it not for my attackers, I would still be living my life – not living in the shell of my former life.

Thus began the task of recapping the events from Dr. Thomas' office. For Charlie's sake, I reframed from discussing the intimate details of the visit. Those, I would rather leave to the imagination. I was grateful to Esme as she helped to fill in the gaps that I had managed to omit, or simply ignore.

"The clinic's legal counsel will be in touch. They said that it could open an opportunity in the case for the search to be expanded beyond their recent parameters." Esme spoke.

"Did they… I mean are you… Are you going to have an abortion?" he asked solemnly.

"No." I affirmed. While I had given it minimal thought at best, I was adamant in my beliefs no matter how narrow they were. I was not a religious person. My only interaction with the faith was in my limited visits across the country with Renee and the brief Sunday services I attended as a child with my father. I did however believe that murder – at any stage of life – was just that, murder. While I wasn't convinced that I could bare the emotional or physical toll that I was to undertake – I was positive that I could not live with myself if I murder an innocent.

"It did nothing to deserve this." I responded palpably.

"Neither did you." Charlie replied without haste.

It was true. Only in some resemblance of hell did someone deserve what fate had chosen for me. I couldn't argue against his logic. I could ignore it but, I couldn't refute it. My concentration was broken at the next words he spoke. "Bella, have you called your mom?"

I froze.

Renee.

I had to tell Renee.


End file.
